What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
