i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
