scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
