So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
