who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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