If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
