So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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