I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
