Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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