do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
