I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
