when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm both gender and math confused
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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