What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
