I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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