I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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