it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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