Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
