I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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