I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
