My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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