it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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