I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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