i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
