weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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