Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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