Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize