I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
