and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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