Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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