We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
