Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
