Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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