Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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