His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
they're like a gay fantastic four
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
