I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The best revenge is premature balding
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
