First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
