I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
