Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
