i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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