Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
