counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize