happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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