I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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