I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
