Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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