nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
