9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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