i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
