you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
