What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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