i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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