I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
