Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
