he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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