Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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