so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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