i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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