one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
