True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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