The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
