i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
