I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm at about main and main street
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
whose parrot is this?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
