His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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