I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
