careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
