The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
