my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
