I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I want her autograph on my taint
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
