She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
