I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
