Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
