I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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