Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I touched a dick in church today
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
