new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
